I spend a lot of time thinking about my band. What outfits we’ll wear onstage at SXSW, what t-shirts we’ll sell at our merch stands, if we’ll each need our own tour bus or will pile onto one ginormous double-decker bus like in SPICE WORLD and, of course, our album cover. OH, the ALbuM coVER. J’adore.

Now mind you, I have like four drum lessons under my belt, my acoustic guitar was just stolen out my garage and I’m pretty sure I’m developing some sort of deadly vocal chord polyp that will derail my singing career.

Despite all of this, the thing I spend the MOST time thinking about is our BAND NAME.

Thusly, I present my Top 10 Potential Band Names:

10. Wanderlust – recently ruined by Jennifer Aniston/Paul Rudd movie, but at one time a winning band name

9. Morning Breath – sure it’s gross, but also memorable. MEMORABLE = RECORDS SOLD. Yes, I’m old. I call them “records.” Sue me. Please don’t.

8. Free Radicals – we’d wear white lab coats on stage, of course.

7. One Mile Per Hour – this is helpful because it also encourages safe, elderly-style driving. We’d be a smash at the nursing homes.

6. The Selective Memories – dedicated to those mornings after a nice blackout-style binge drinking session at our concert the night before.

5. Scissor Shock – it would help if we were all hairdressers, probably?

4. Ding!!! – simple, catchy, and great usage of onomatopoeia. Hey…that’d be a good band name, too.

3. Iconoclast – with a star instead of the “A”…natch.

2. Literary Indecencies – what can I say? I’m an English major.

And the TOP BAND NAME CHOICE, taking into account the whole if-you-steal-this-I-will-kill-you-but-then-again-why-would-you thing:

1. CHOCOLATE MERCY BALLS.

I know. I love it too. Delicious, melodic, and…Grammy-ish? Cool, thanks! See you at Coachella!

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